When you get the heart wrenching news that you have cancer you feel as if someone just hit you very hard in the chest. After that feeling subsides, other emotions start to set in. "I cannot believe that I have cancer," " It must be a bad dream," " When I wake-up every thing will be okay, " Thoughts race through your mind about this disease called Cancer. "What should I do?" " How will I cope?" "Will I die?"

Cancer takes control of your life. You are bombarded with doctors, tests, operations, drugs and or radiation. You may  feel that you have no control over your life. You feel that this illness is taking over your body completely. You are informed about all the risks you may have from the surgery; the side effects from chemotherapy; pain from the disease; and other horrible possibilities.   However, very few healthcare professionals ever discuss the possible loss of your sexual well-being.  Don't let your sex life fall victim to this disease;  there are ways to take control of this important aspect of your life.

Surgery and chemotherapy may bring major changes to a person's life. With surgery or chemotherapy your body image may change and sometimes you may lose your sexual functioning. Chemotherapy can affect overall health, threaten the sense of well being, disrupt day to day schedules, and put a strain on personal relationships. Each person undergoing cancer therapy (surgery, radiation and chemotherapy) may experience different side effects from these forms of treatments.

There will be physical, emotional and  sexual changes  because of these treatments. The side effects  depend on the drugs being used, the length of time of treatments (chemotherapy, radiation) and your general health. In most cases these side effects are not permanent. At all times there must be a continuous dialogue between you, your partner and  your doctor  on coping with this illness and the side effects of this disease.
It is not easy living with cancer. There are many issues on your mind. For many women,  body image is the number one concern. Surgery may have disfigured your body, or with chemotherapy there may be loss of hair. Depression is certain to be experienced (Am I going to die from this disease?).

Certain surgeries may cause men to have difficulty getting an erection or ejaculating.  Men may experience anxiety concerning their sexual performance. Also, some men experience depression, having the same thoughts as women do about coping with cancer.
In addition to the side effects of chemotherapy, radiation and surgery; another side effect from these treatments can be a change in sexuality.   For men and women there can be loss of desire, diminished arousal, and weakened orgasm. Vaginal dryness or sexual intercourse may be uncomfortable for women (for this problem use a water based vaginal lubricant). Many people experience guilt over the loss of  sexual desire and intimacy.

There are ways to cope and still maintain your sexuality to help you through this difficult journey. Keep an open line of communication between you and your partner. Tell your partner your concerns and feelings about living with this disease. Ask your partner about  their feelings and concerns. Many times during treatments, fatigue may occur. Sexual intercourse may be difficult. Recognize that there are different forms of sexual intimacy besides sexual intercourse. Hugging, touching, holding, and cuddling may become more important in your relationship than the actual sexual act. Suggest to your partner that masturbation (solo play) is okay. You still can be intimate with mutual masturbation, and your partner's needs are met. Experiment with sexual positions that won't be painful to you (if you are in pain, try to time the pain medication before you have sexual intercourse). If you are uncomfortable with your body image,  wear sexy lingerie, scarves or costumes and leave them on while you make love. Relaxation techniques are helpful to cope with anxiety. Try to get enough rest to deal with fatigue.  Sometimes it is better to have sex in the morning when you are well rested.

Above all, remember, there is no "right way" to express your sexuality. It is up to you and your partner to determine together what is pleasurable and satisfying to both of you. Always keep the lines of communication open.  Sexual intimacy  needs to be an active component of your life.  Orgasms are healthful,  and can extend your life, or at least make your days more pleasurable!